Coach the Person, Not Just the Player: Understanding the Athlete’s Whole Self

I’ve sat across from countless athletes, listening as they talk about the moments that stay with them, not just the big wins, but the quiet words spoken by a coach. Sometimes those words lit a fire in them. Other times, they left scars that lingered far longer than any physical injury. It’s moments like these that remind me how powerful feedback can be. The power of feedback isn’t just about correcting technique or improving stats. It’s about connection. It’s about seeing the person behind the performance—and helping them feel valued, understood, and motivated to grow.

If we want to help athletes thrive, we’ve got to coach the person, not just the player. And that starts with feedback delivered through empathy, curiosity, and emotional intelligence.

The Power of Feedback to Build or Break

Feedback isn’t just communication, but connection. It’s one of the fastest ways to influence how athletes see themselves, how they handle mistakes, and how motivated they feel to keep growing.

Think of the times you received feedback that made you feel unstoppable. Chances are, it was specific, honest, and delivered with care. Now think of the feedback that left you feeling small. Same words, different delivery. That’s the power of feedback in action.

Athletes often live in environments that demand excellence 24/7. The impact of a high performance environment can be brutal on mental health if feedback focuses only on errors and overlooks the human side of the athlete. That’s why emotional intelligence in coaching isn’t optional—it’s essential.

Seeing Beyond the Jersey

One of the first things I teach coaches is this: performance issues are rarely just about talent or effort. Athletes bring every part of themselves onto the field or court—their family stress, personal beliefs, even unresolved trauma. That’s why understanding mental health and improving performance are two sides of the same coin.

For example, a volleyball player might keep missing serves. A purely technical coach might drill her harder on mechanics. But a coach who sees the person might ask: “I’ve noticed you seem distracted lately. Is there something on your mind?”

That’s where breakthroughs happen—because performance problems often have roots far deeper than mechanics. And that’s how we create a true culture of care for a culture of champions.

Don’t Ignore Feelings

Athletes are taught to push through pain, both physical and emotional. But ignoring feelings doesn’t make them disappear—it just buries them deeper, where they can become destructive.

To coach the person, we’ve got to allow space for athletes to engage in their emotions. When athletes know it’s safe to talk about frustration, fear, or exhaustion without judgment, they’re more likely to bounce back stronger.

This openness is key to strengthening mental resiliency, because resilience isn’t about never feeling anxious or upset—it’s about navigating those feelings without losing yourself.

The Brain-Body Connection

Another reason feedback must be human-centered: the brain and body are inseparable. Emotional stress literally changes muscle tension, reaction time, and coordination. You can’t expect peak physical output if the mind is tied up in knots.

This shows up in every field—from a swimmer whose times mysteriously drop to a pitcher who suddenly can’t find the strike zone. When you look beneath the surface, it’s often stress, anxiety, or burnout quietly hijacking the nervous system.

That’s why feedback that honors this connection isn’t just kind—it’s smart, practical coaching that leads to real results.

Tailoring Feedback to the Individual

There’s no one-size-fits-all method for feedback. One athlete thrives on blunt honesty; another needs a softer approach. Emotional intelligence means noticing how someone reacts and adjusting your delivery.

For example, a young tennis player who froze whenever her coach yelled corrections mid-match suddenly started winning again when she started working on her confidence. Her coach was also encouraged to deliver feedback between games, maintain a calm tone, and pair corrections with encouragement. That’s the power of feedback—when it’s personalized, it becomes a catalyst instead of a roadblock.

This is why, at TOPPS, we help coaches and leaders learn how to embrace the Olympian mindset, where feedback is seen as guidance, not condemnation. It’s about growth, not punishment.

Teaching Athletes to Self-Coach

Great coaches don’t just give feedback—they teach athletes how to give feedback to themselves. That’s part of how to mentally prepare like an athlete.

When mistakes happen, we don’t want athletes spiraling into self-criticism. We want them using self-talk like: “That wasn’t my best, but I know how to adjust.”

This mental skill is just as important as physical training. It helps athletes reset mindset quickly, rather than carrying errors forward into the next play.

Feedback as a Tool for Wellness

The power of feedback isn’t just about fixing technical errors, but about protecting mental health. Constructive feedback can keep anxiety from festering. It can reassure athletes that they’re more than their last performance.

And sometimes, the best feedback has nothing to do with sport at all. It might sound like, “I see how hard you’re working. I’m proud of the way you show up.”

These simple words can be a profound mindset boost, especially in sports cultures that often focus only on results.

Coaching Beyond the Season

The true measure of coaching isn’t just trophies or stats, but the athlete’s overall well-being. Are they thriving as humans? Do they feel seen, valued, and supported? Do they leave the sport with tools for life, not just for competition?

Coaching the person means investing in the whole self—mental, emotional, and physical. It means knowing how the environment affects athletes and actively working to create spaces where people can flourish.

At TOPPS, we bring this philosophy into everything we do—from sport psychology sessions, to sport group sessions, to our corporate wellness programs. We’re committed to being a guide to thriving because we know that when people feel safe, valued, and connected, extraordinary things happen. Get in touch today.

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